Well, I'm not gonna follow up on my last post which was written quite a while ago.  I think I'll let other people think for themselves when it comes to stupid movies.  I haven't been much into writing lately, as you can tell.  I tend to say things I shouldn't when I talk (write) too much so I've been trying to keep busy with other things and I have paaaaaaaaaaaalenty to do that is more worthwhile and productive.  Facebook has become my place for sharing the latest news/pictures with family and friends so I haven't had much need to blog.  I just gotta share this super awesome excerpt from a book I'm reading, though.  It's so good.  My counsellor recommended it.   It's called "Boundaries in Marriage: Understanding the Choices that Make or Break Loving Relationships by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.

It's a great book and so helpful and I think this part is so encouraging:

One thing we often hear from couples over dinner or in reflective times is that they feel distress over the differences between them.   They will say, "I don't see how we ended up together; we are so diametrically opposed."  These polar extremes can run the gamut, from theology to politics, from career to sex.  From family to finances, from intimacy to entertainment.  Some couples will open up about how they have let other things get in between them.  "We're so different, so we live in two different worlds," they will say.  "I have my friends and activities, and he has his.  We don't interact a lot."  The exsistence of separate friends and activities is not a red flag, but the tendency to be more invested in them than in the marriage is a red flag.  Marriage was intended to be home base for our feeling and souls.

This is not the same situation we discussed earlier in the section entitled "When the Outside Isn't an Intruder."  There we dealt with the reality that all loving unions need outside sources to grow.  In this section, the issue is not about the need for outside influences, but about going to the outside because two people are different.

Actually, this is a huge misperception.  Being different should not be a problem in marriage.  In fact, it should be a benefit.  When your mate has an alternative viewpoint to yours in parenting or home furnishings, you have been enriched.  Your world has been enlarged.  You are no longer bound to a world of your own making, which is a prison God never intended for us.  You are forced to listen to, interact with, and consider the feelings and opinions of another human being in some matter in which you are dead sure you are right.  If this is not a solution for human arrogance, what is!

The Bible teaches that we need these differences.  Paul dicusses the various spiritual gifts God apportions to people: "If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be." (1 Corinthians 12:17-18)

In addition, a couple's ability to deal with differences is a sign of their maturity.  Children demand that others agree with them.  Immature couples do the same.  A husband calls his wife "selfish" and has a tantrum when his wife doesn't see things his way or a wife gets discouraged when things aren't perfect and withdraws in resignation that "we'll just never see eye to eye."  Such spouses will not be able to live in the tension that the other person won't change his or her mind, and they may become the prey of intruders who agree with them.  As we mentioned before, triangulation often occurs at this point:  we find people who will agree with our opinion, especially about the bad points of our spouse.

Grownups, however, attempt to understand the other's viewpoint while holding on to their own reality.  They empathetically appreciate the sentiments of the other and then come to a negotiated agreement, using love, sacrifice, values, and principles.  Differences do not create intruder problems.  Immaturity does.  As spouses own their own weaknesses and issues, what used to drive them crazy often becomes a source of joy for them.

For many years I have known a couple in which the wife is highly emotional and flighty.  I have fun watching the show, but I don't expect a serious conversation with her.  I don't know if the next thing she says will have anything to do with what is being discussed.  This used to driver her husband-a logical obsessive type-crazy.  He would say, "There you go again, " in a critical tone of voice.  Now after a lot of growth and humility on his part, he sees her as spontaneous and fascinating.  He's not in denial.  He's in love.

There it is folks.  I spent all this time typing that out in hopes that anyone else might be enlightened and encouraged as much as myself...AND instead of spouting my own non-sensical opinions I took this from a coupla smart guys!  I'm prouda myself.  Love you all!

It's been a perfect day, even though it's not yet over.  We're getting a break in the winter weather and it's beautiful outside!  The kids have been riding their bikes and playing outside all afternoon.  Jon, too.  We all got up early this morning and we dropped the kids and their bikes off at school.  Then I dropped Jon off at the office and went grocery shopping with the three little ones.  Jon rode his bike home for lunch...I took a walk with a friend from church.  When I got back Jon rode his bike to the school to get the kids and ride home with them.  They got out early today because it's the end of the quarter and there are parent/teacher conferences,etc.  After Jon got back with the kids he turned around and went almost straight back for parent/teacher conferences, riding his bike again.  I made him some food when he got back and he's been in the garage working ever since and the kids have been running around outside.  We opened all the doors and some windows and have enjoyed the cool, fresh air.  We have Bible class tonight.  I'm looking forward to that as well.  It's just a lovely day...the kind that makes you want to go aaaaaaaaaaaah...

Addie's Birthday was almost a week ago.  Last Friday she had her best friend from school, Ashlynn, over to spend the night.  They wanted to stay up all night so we let them do what they wanted as long as they were quiet...apparently they made it until about 2 am.  When I got up the next morning I was curious as to whether they were still awake.  When I peeked in the door they were totally crashed on the bed...haha!  It was quite a funny sight.  We had a teacher's dinner at our house Saturday night so we couldn't celebrate then.  We had the cake and sang to her while her friend was here on Sat. and she opened all her presents that night after the crowd had left.  She got gifts from her friend, Papa and Mimi and Jon and I got her some new Hannah Montana tennis shoes...she's been needing/wanting some.  I'm still on the lookout for a new bottle for her Baby Alive as Rufus chewed a hole in the bottom of her last one.  haha!

My Birthday was Monday.  I had a good one.  One of the elders wives took me out to lunch.  Several people sent/gave me cards.  One family from church stopped over and gave me an "over the hill" mug with a bag a peanut butter M&M's in it.  I love those.  ...and they sang to me too.  It was nice.  I'm loving Facebook too 'cause so many of my friends sent me Happy Birthday wishes on there.  Tom and Denise sent me a card and money and Jon bought me a really sweet card and had all the kids sign it.  I found it on the counter in the evening...sitting there with a box of Starbucks chocolate truffles...it was so sweet.

I haven't been on here much, mostly 'cause I'm wasting most of my computer time on Facebook.  I'm also trying to do Flylady and get my house in order.  Jon and I went to our first really good counselling session last Friday.  The counsellor is a licensed phsycologist from Wheaton College but it is a Christian group also.  I feel like it's a great combination of a practice that has a good Biblical foundation but also has real education in the field.  I was especially impressed by how well this guy listened to both of us and didn't even make any assessments yet.  We're planning to continue with him.  I told Jon it would mean a lot to me if we could continue to go and he said he'll do anything for me.  He's been so wonderful.  I'm so grateful for him and all that he's been doing for/with me over the past several months.  I think we're both finally realizing how much work it takes to have a good marriage and that we can't just float along and expect things to go well...and we definitely can't ignore problems.  It's very encouraging to see changes.  One of the elders wives also loaned us some books that she heard recommended by James Dobson.  It's a set for a husband and wife and they're entitled "For Men Only...a straightforward guide to the inner lives of women" and "For Women Only...a straightforward guide to the inner lives of men".  Jon finished his in one afternoon and was excited to understand my mind better.  It's amazing that I feel like I've told him certain things a million times but hearing it put into male language helped him understand better.  He's been so wonderful...especially in realizing how I hear the things he says and how I interpret them.  He's now apologizing to me constantly for having said certain things because he didn't realize how they effected me.  I'm also learning a lot from my book and I feel like I can be more understanding of his struggles...especially in the area of the pressure men feel to provide for their families.

Well, a certain little angel is needing my love so I better be going.  Love to all!